Sometimes us human think with such complexity. We are filled with thoughts, emotions and problems. And sometimes it's tough differentiating them when our minds are flooded. Sometimes we wish for an amnesia attack to just lose it all and began everything once more, sometimes we just wish to discover our history just to know where we belong.
Once we targeted and locked on a goal, it's our nature to pursue it. No matter what, we will try to cross boundaries and bend 'rules'. Sometimes, when we make a breakthrough, we will feel great and proud about ourselves. And maybe share the infectious joy with the people around. But other times, we stumble on hurdles which seemed like they are on tiny toes. The route just seemed so unfair yet it seemed so right. So right in fact, we blame ourselves for all the wrong things that have happened. So through many sleepless nights, we will try to figure out what were the mistakes...sometimes even by harshly interrogating ourselves. Only result we end up is complete resentment of our own pity self. We will suffer so much hurt even in places we didn't know we had.
It's will be so hard getting a grip of the 'criminal' within. Sometimes, we just let it out on the wall...literally. Apathy and lack of communication can really break down anyone. It's just best that the message gets through rather than have guilt murder the other. Most notably when we are having fun or enjoying a euphoric moment. Sometimes we wish to revel the instant with someone. But cruelly no someone could be reached. And the moment just died out like that with part of our soul...pathetically, pitifully...
And so...subconsciously, we just do what we can, do what we do to just distract ourselves. Maybe by helping others...even with a cold bottle in one hand. But still with a slight glint of anger and ferocity in our redden eye. Sometimes we still hope we are wrong, and that there were probably some misunderstandings and misconceptions. Then, we would replay evidences, sometimes consulting the stars...
Or God...Where was he when we needed him? Probably at Myanmar or China. But I guess that's because He trusted and believe that we could solve our own problems. He will just give us guidance...and make sure we are always good children. Or maybe He was just helping us to built our character...to make sure we are strong. Very comforting from God...but...
We received so much 'ass' and 'crazy' comments...particularly from our lone self. So much bitter and raw comments can only be too much to handle. Sometimes we just want a little recognition from others...like 'good job' bro or something like that. It's so difficult being under such circumstances. We constantly just try to subdue the devil within. It's tough trying not to make a punchbag out of someone. Or worse...shoving a guy's head into another guy's ass. Then I realised, we shouldn't be putting ourselves in so much shit. A book I read thought me that to forgive ourself is the first thing and best thing we should do under the worst of consequences. Just deep breaths...and I do...haihz...I need a holiday...
To err is human....to forgive is divine...
No comments:
Post a Comment