it's like...

I wish I can bend space and time.
If only so...
Oh how it would be nice to help myself a bit.
If only I could give that to myself.

...
I wonder what this all means...
How good can even exist
Why is it difficult to comprehend...
Compassion, understanding... is there such a thing?

Why is it that you keep me locked up?
Chained...
A prisoner I truly feel..
But one who still wishes to help...
But not in the matter any way I am limited to.

...
I feel that it's all cruel...
Makes no sense.
If I have a freedom hammer, I would break your wall.
If I have a freedom cannon, I would blast you free.
If I have a freedom sword, I would slay your demons.

...
I am not the boss of myself now...
I think I am split...
Fighting for control are the two voices in my head
Willing me to do as they say...
Both of different choices...
Both of opposite opinions.

Crush...
What's that?
Nothing I guess...
It just means nothing.

Shatter...
Now...
That's a word...

Somehow I know that it would be OK.
That with His grace
things will turn for the better.
For everyone...
Not just me...
Because I wish no hard feelings...
Even though I am basically shaking my own hands.

I hope that I had not vented to anyone.
I had to just rant it.
And like a fire being stoked,
A wildfire spread uncontrollably.

Sometimes I wish to talk,
But I stubbornly rejected everyone.
I pushed everyone away.
I thought I could escape,
Or deal my screw ups alone.
I wish I had more in me
To get a good grip over myself.
I guess this is good though...
It's like acceptance.