daring to move

inspire

in her eyes, you will find the purest thing called...

For one more conversation, for one more chance to make up for the time when you thought they would be here forever, for one more day...

"When someone is in your heart, they're never truly gone. They can come back to you, even at unlikely times."

— Mitch Albom

hugs

to you

As I tear away from your pain.
I could somehow see your reflection.
You stubbornly pretend you are doing okay.
But clearly you are not.

I know we can never understand how much hurt you feel.
I know we can never truly say we understand

Your broken heart, still beating
just need some healing.
Damaged.
I am sure you thought of every word in the dictionary.
But I hope you find the meanings
That would keep you strong.
That will help find your purpose.
That will help you regain your smile.

With His Mercy,
I pray that you don't forget your way home.
Because you will never be alone, here... with your friends.

barely breathing

If only you knew...
That all my life,
I wanted someone like you to come along
To change my life like you have done.

Right now
I just wanna lose myself.
I feel all the way at the back right now...
Time stolen from me.
Purpose disarray.

But I am hanging on...
Because this was not how you wanted it to be.
So in pain, I know I can find healing.

I guess I never knew
That you could ever mean so much.

it's like...

I wish I can bend space and time.
If only so...
Oh how it would be nice to help myself a bit.
If only I could give that to myself.

...
I wonder what this all means...
How good can even exist
Why is it difficult to comprehend...
Compassion, understanding... is there such a thing?

Why is it that you keep me locked up?
Chained...
A prisoner I truly feel..
But one who still wishes to help...
But not in the matter any way I am limited to.

...
I feel that it's all cruel...
Makes no sense.
If I have a freedom hammer, I would break your wall.
If I have a freedom cannon, I would blast you free.
If I have a freedom sword, I would slay your demons.

...
I am not the boss of myself now...
I think I am split...
Fighting for control are the two voices in my head
Willing me to do as they say...
Both of different choices...
Both of opposite opinions.

Crush...
What's that?
Nothing I guess...
It just means nothing.

Shatter...
Now...
That's a word...

Somehow I know that it would be OK.
That with His grace
things will turn for the better.
For everyone...
Not just me...
Because I wish no hard feelings...
Even though I am basically shaking my own hands.

I hope that I had not vented to anyone.
I had to just rant it.
And like a fire being stoked,
A wildfire spread uncontrollably.

Sometimes I wish to talk,
But I stubbornly rejected everyone.
I pushed everyone away.
I thought I could escape,
Or deal my screw ups alone.
I wish I had more in me
To get a good grip over myself.
I guess this is good though...
It's like acceptance.

colours fade

Yesterday I got lost in the circus
Feeling like such a mess

Mr Waiter took away my desserts before I had a chance to eat it.
I heard it was nice.. ala tiramisu but of a 5 star type.
Of course I was sad.. listening to all the raves about it..

But I guess I would be alright.
It was just desserts.
Most important was the main course.
And I had aplenty.

holding hands

colours moving and still...

If we try to account the positive relationships we would love to have in our life, I guess we could summarise it down to these...

The relationship between God and our self...
The relationship between our parents and our self...
The relationship between our friends and our self...
The relationship between that special someone and our self...

Then... I felt that those alone were not enough. I felt there should be more... So, these were what I also included...

The relationship between God and our family...
The relationship between God and our friends...
The relationship between God and our boyfriend/girlfriend...
The relationship between our parents and our friends...
The relationship between our parents and our boyfriend/girlfriend...
The relationship between our friends and our boyfriend/girlfriend...

Then... I thought... heck... there has to be a vise versa in all of those relationships as well. And, what about our pets, our Facebook friends, our colleagues, mother nature, the mak-cik who make sure our schools are in study-conducive environment, our mechanics, our stock broker, our landlords... gosh.. so many to list. Well, you get the picture.

But what we can definitely agree is...

"There may be no greater inner agony than the loss of a relationship we desperately want."

because being in a relationship we truly care about feels just like home.

And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done

unlikely pair

oh, i feel like dancing...

You can stay here forever...

&

I could sing of Your love forever.

oh baby!

BB is wet blanket

BB died --> totally unreachable now --> forced to abandon plans --> ffk-ing friends is not cool @.@

point of view

It's quite a feeling thinking how our perspectives of things change over the years...

Whilst I was in school, I used to see school uniform as such a bore. I thought the Government was starving us of creativity, forcing us to wear something so plain, instead of letting us wear what defines us as a person. Who am I kidding? I wasn't thinking of that... But I guess that's what most people thought. To me, I had no opinion at all what sort ever. Perhaps, I was forced to don uniforms since young, and that I simply grew up with them without any complaints. But anyway, as I became a senior, I would try to bend the rules made by the school. I wore baggy pants that nearly covered my shoe, and long enough till it gets drag at my heels. I wore short shirts, simply because I knew it would get untucked from my pants. Such were the kind of fashion you would see in school on a day-to-day basis. I guess I was rebellious and nonchalant.

Then, when I left school. I started to see things differently. I thought kids in school got it all for them. Day after day, they wouldn't have to decide what to wear to school. They wouldn't need to consider if they had labs, or sports, or etc and try to wear something which would be suitable enough for those activities. School mornings weren't a hassle at all. You know what you would be wearing at any start of the day. I guess I was an unappreciative complainer and someone who was more opinionated.

Now, as I am in my second year in university, I think differently. To me, wearing school uniforms are a great idea. Kids wouldn't be so materialistic. Kids wouldn't get bullied for wearing something uncool. Uniforms made all of us to be equal. We did not have to be judged based on what we wore. Every student started school with a clean slate. None would have to endure any discriminating first impressions, both the kid next to you, and the teacher up front. I guess I am more pragmatic and understanding, yet still willing to challenge ideas which don't conform with my personal beliefs.

Years from now, who knows what I would see next. Perhaps as a parent, I would say that school uniform is a great idea because it's cheap, and that my pocket don't have to be burned unnecessarily (although I would love my kids). Not that I am a cheapskate, but I think it would be so much easier to replace a uniform (supposed my kids are always getting their uniforms torn.. bless them, or if they can outgrow the uniforms faster than I wash them). You can find them nearly at every mall for a slashed price especially during the "back to school period". So, I guess I would be someone more caring and someone who is careful with what he spends.

Well, we would have to see how that pens out won't we? Here's a thought, have your perspective of someone ever change?

batty or disaster?

a story:
To what conforms your existence? Of uncleanness, demons, and annoyances? Your very appearance sent shudders to the spine. Is that what I should know about myself? Or maybe to which you account for my rebirth? Old habits are hard to shirk. But maybe for my own good, I will, so I should...

I looked nervously at all of them, flying, and screeching, at a dizzying pace of turbulence in my room. All seemed to be mocking me as they circulate me like a tornado of ghoulish beings. And suddenly, the sound of their batting wings made a terrifying burst of a deep voice, as if from the beyond, which bellowed:

The path which you are following isn't compatible with your growth and goals. You may not be aware but you are blindly led into a situation of the unknown. You would thus need to thread carefully in these dark routes, for which traps may be laid to cause you harm rather than brutes.

Perhaps I am just crazy, and the bats were just making me batty. That's probably better than the sorrows and calamities from these unfriendly hosts of evils. I felt drained, listless. I could have cowered and surrendered to them, and hence feed them the fear, to which was the source and essence of their existence.

But I clenched my fist, to which I overcame the terrors, and took each and every one of them down... one at a time, until the surrounding were silent but the breath that exude from the lungs of my own. I did it effortlessly, without a shroud of doubt or fear. No more such were the intensity, that I returned to my bed and watched my work, contemplating what that all meant. To which, my world and vision dissolved and I was back to reality, pondering even more...

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