terms of endearment

There's nothing left I can do.
I am helpless to right the wrongs.
Words have escaped me far too easily.
I am now at loss.
People know the past can't change.
I thought I knew the path I was going through.
I didn't foresee the bumps and humps.
Up and down I go.
But not really going anywhere.
Such is what I am going through...

- JeKylL -

I had made the error. I knew straight away it was that. But I was pushed and coerced by emotions, I had not anticipate the consequences it had bequeath upon me. What was I to do but hope nature and God will guide me through this mess I had cast upon myself. I grieved but there was none to hear. I shudder at the thoughts that ran through my mind. How could I forgive myself?

If it's wrong to tell the truth
Then what am I supposed to do
When all I want to do is speak my mind (speak my mind)
If it's wrong to do what's right
I'm prepared to testify
If loving you with all my heart's a crime
Then I'm guilty

- Guilty by Blue -

The French Light hadn't been shining brightly. It made me tear with agony seeing the beautiful star dim with the awful clouds. But everyday I had faith that the next day she will shine through once more. I often wonder whether the gravitational pull I have for this star made her wobble on her orbit, whether it was I who had cause the black shadow to have shrouded this beauty of a light.

And so last night, I couldn't take it anymore. If there's nothing left for me, if there's nothing left to salvage, if there's no chance to divert back to path once laid before me, I made up my mind to at least let go of everything to make someone else happy. And so, I made a deal with God.

This shall be my legacy.

With all my heart,

and everything that comes with it,
I sacrifise my love for her,
to see her happy once more,
to see her free from her troubles,
to see her no more in pain.

This morning, I awoke feeling numb, yet hopeful. And three hours later, I realised my wish had come true. I see the glow I thought I would never see again. And then I was delighted for her. I was happy that everyone else noticed the change. I feel like it's all back to normal.

But...

For me...

The pangs that stretched from deep within the core of my soul still lingers and persist... It hurt so much more than before... But I am strong. I shall carry this on my sleeve. My only wish is to see her happy and so much more. And so...

and so... we can no longer cross paths anymore, and for that, I can no longer be in love with her. This unbreakable vow will forever bind me.

This is my legacy.

Planets have to continue revolving. I guess I would have to move on in my orbit.