not enough

Sometimes I am glad when you look unhappy.

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Sometimes I wonder... I always do. I fix a thought here and there, and I will keep going; analysing from every possible angles; seeing things from different views; providing plausible answers on and on.

I guess I am a thinker... someone rational. But that doesn't mean I am carved from the rocks of Broga Hill. I am still human. Very much so.

I know that you intended no harm. But it's the truth that was not let known that infuriated me... that hurt me. It's tough hearing it from someone else, in case you didn't know. I thought of all people, you would be the most understanding one. I guess I judged a bit too soon.

I sat down and thought, and think of you. Each time I see you, I will just stare in silence, hoping somehow I could reach to you telepathically. But it's so hard. And each time I thought I found an answer, more questions, painful questions came up. Why are you doing this to me? Is there no better way to deal with this things? Are you purposely acting like this to make me angry?? Why is talking so difficult?

Probably you thought ignorance would have been a bliss to me. It might be true... But I wished you had told me. I wished I had known the news from you. At least, I didn't have to be the last to know.

Yet...

Yet...

Yet... Sighs... I understand why you did it. You didn't want me to be hurt. I would have done just the same. I guess I was mad because you did the right thing. I was mad because you didn't give me any reason to hate you. I am mad because I am still drowning in the strong feelings I have for you.

You are simply amazing. I just can't tell you enough...

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But I am always glad to see you cheerful again...