time to eat serious cereal

It's December...

Christmas holidays is coming... trips.. presents... family... friends...

Exams!! It's just around the corner... Have to start putting extra efforts from now on...

Lots of things have been going on... just couldn't find the time to write...

Hmmm... I find listening to "Return to Innocence" by Enigma sure can help de-stress.
AIYAYAAAAAA OOOAAAYAAYAAA.... :D :D :D

Instead of whining or complaining about things, I manage to channel those unwanted energy into singing the chorus of this song! :D :D :D

Ooohh... and I am listening to this song... Smile by Uncle Kracker!! It's so positive and uplifting!! If you need a smile, just listen and sing to the lyrics of this song! :D

still searching

In life,
we keep going forward.
Our past as the Bible,
our future, destiny.

Along the way,
our journey,
fills with beautiful sights and sounds.

Life's miracles,
maketh us feel blessed.

But,
the road we take isn't straight.
It's winding and there are many intersections.

Every wrong turn
is a mislead,
a misfortune.

But every wrong turn,
adds a new chapter to our Bible,
and with learning,
a better future.

- JeKylL -

solve-ation?

Always I have tried to live...

I stroll through life's meadow,
I leap and I fall,
down onto a huge haystack.
I sneeze.

I open my eyes,
and I am in the classroom,
I see someone,
Did a double take...

But I ended up in a car,
Where are we going?
I am hungry.
I yawn.

I am dissolution back,
into where I am not sure.
This illusion,
is it the solution?

And then I am gone...
again...

- JeKylL -

terms of endearment

There's nothing left I can do.
I am helpless to right the wrongs.
Words have escaped me far too easily.
I am now at loss.
People know the past can't change.
I thought I knew the path I was going through.
I didn't foresee the bumps and humps.
Up and down I go.
But not really going anywhere.
Such is what I am going through...

- JeKylL -

I had made the error. I knew straight away it was that. But I was pushed and coerced by emotions, I had not anticipate the consequences it had bequeath upon me. What was I to do but hope nature and God will guide me through this mess I had cast upon myself. I grieved but there was none to hear. I shudder at the thoughts that ran through my mind. How could I forgive myself?

If it's wrong to tell the truth
Then what am I supposed to do
When all I want to do is speak my mind (speak my mind)
If it's wrong to do what's right
I'm prepared to testify
If loving you with all my heart's a crime
Then I'm guilty

- Guilty by Blue -

The French Light hadn't been shining brightly. It made me tear with agony seeing the beautiful star dim with the awful clouds. But everyday I had faith that the next day she will shine through once more. I often wonder whether the gravitational pull I have for this star made her wobble on her orbit, whether it was I who had cause the black shadow to have shrouded this beauty of a light.

And so last night, I couldn't take it anymore. If there's nothing left for me, if there's nothing left to salvage, if there's no chance to divert back to path once laid before me, I made up my mind to at least let go of everything to make someone else happy. And so, I made a deal with God.

This shall be my legacy.

With all my heart,

and everything that comes with it,
I sacrifise my love for her,
to see her happy once more,
to see her free from her troubles,
to see her no more in pain.

This morning, I awoke feeling numb, yet hopeful. And three hours later, I realised my wish had come true. I see the glow I thought I would never see again. And then I was delighted for her. I was happy that everyone else noticed the change. I feel like it's all back to normal.

But...

For me...

The pangs that stretched from deep within the core of my soul still lingers and persist... It hurt so much more than before... But I am strong. I shall carry this on my sleeve. My only wish is to see her happy and so much more. And so...

and so... we can no longer cross paths anymore, and for that, I can no longer be in love with her. This unbreakable vow will forever bind me.

This is my legacy.

Planets have to continue revolving. I guess I would have to move on in my orbit.

at the edge

I feel that I am now lying on a thin wall. I could fall either way from here. Any way I fall, I will get the same results but different consequences. Either way, it will hurt. And I think the wall is getting thinner. It's like your comfort zone being remove from right under your feet.

What is it about a forced decision? I feel like a trapped King in a game of chess. There's only one step to move. The one which i dread to take.

I put myself up here. I guess I will accept whichever way I fall. It's better to have seen the world from up here, rather than not to have been up here at all :) I feel blessed with this chance.

Ark

2012?? Or just a week long of torrential tropical storm?? If the rain here in Malaysia gets any worse, we will have to start building our Ark.

not enough

Sometimes I am glad when you look unhappy.

.
.
.
.

Sometimes I wonder... I always do. I fix a thought here and there, and I will keep going; analysing from every possible angles; seeing things from different views; providing plausible answers on and on.

I guess I am a thinker... someone rational. But that doesn't mean I am carved from the rocks of Broga Hill. I am still human. Very much so.

I know that you intended no harm. But it's the truth that was not let known that infuriated me... that hurt me. It's tough hearing it from someone else, in case you didn't know. I thought of all people, you would be the most understanding one. I guess I judged a bit too soon.

I sat down and thought, and think of you. Each time I see you, I will just stare in silence, hoping somehow I could reach to you telepathically. But it's so hard. And each time I thought I found an answer, more questions, painful questions came up. Why are you doing this to me? Is there no better way to deal with this things? Are you purposely acting like this to make me angry?? Why is talking so difficult?

Probably you thought ignorance would have been a bliss to me. It might be true... But I wished you had told me. I wished I had known the news from you. At least, I didn't have to be the last to know.

Yet...

Yet...

Yet... Sighs... I understand why you did it. You didn't want me to be hurt. I would have done just the same. I guess I was mad because you did the right thing. I was mad because you didn't give me any reason to hate you. I am mad because I am still drowning in the strong feelings I have for you.

You are simply amazing. I just can't tell you enough...

.
.
.
.

But I am always glad to see you cheerful again...

if the shoes fit...

I found a shoe.
Like a Cinderella Fairy Tale,
I know it could only belong to one.
The French Light.
But I noticed she had hers.

Still,
I was curious.
I didn't want to just keep it.

I have found many in the past.
And it was such an ache keeping them.
So I learned to not be a pack rat.
But share what I got...

Her pairs were nice,
and as I recalled,
has been with her long.

But,
I had to let her know,
about this pair,
even risking...
risking it all...

It's better than pretending...
It's better than regretting...

And so,
I listened to my heart.

It took me awhile...
But I finally decided to ask,
if she was missing one.

My H-e-l-l-o was a stammer,
But,
I made it to ask her about it...
And,
She wasn't...

Such a fool I am...

P.S - Thanks for being so cool about it... :)
I <3 U

I will...

For the greater good, I will...

If HE says that we weren't - that we may cause the world to grieve, or cry because of jealousy, or if we are able spread further happiness to others by being apart...

For the greater good, I will...

If HE says that our chemistry will cause an unbalance to the rest of the world - that the world will just stop turning from below our feet and propagate to the rest of the Earth...

For the greater good, I will...

If HE says that there will be a turning point in the future - and that the current timing isn't right, then, wait, I shall...

For the greater good, I will...

Eeyore eyes

Reasons why I am tired all week...

1. Last Saturday's All American Rejects' concert!! Friggin awesome can!! But super icky! We were all packed like slimy-sticky-sardines in a compacted tin can under a 1-tonne tractor in the middle of the desert on the hottest day of the year.

Not a wanting to sound crude.. but yeah... not a place for people below the height of 1.50m. Smelly armpits, and droplets of sweat in hot stuffy environment doesn't maketh a free sauna.

BUT... they rocked!!

2. Last Sunday - Terry Fox run. Only 4 hrs of precious sleep isn't the best way to prepare for a charity jog. I aimed to run 5km. But damn... only could endure 3km. Sighs... disappointed in myself. Timing was alright.. (19 mins) but I was so tired. Oh wells... first run in like 6 weeks. Couldn't ask for more, I guess.. Where's all my RC power I wonder..

3. Stayed back on Monday and Tuesday although I only had 1 and 3 hrs of classes respectively.

4. Watched "This Is It" on Monday night - then only reached home past midnight. The movie was awesome!! The dances were incredible. The stage presentation was like so wuhtuhfarkish - I have never seen or imagined such thing could be done in a concert!! I was definitely in awe!! Michael still had it in him.... sighs...