part I - suffocation

Let me tell you a story...

Once upon a time, there was a young butterfly. This butterfly loved playing around in the flowery bushes in the jungle. One day, he noticed this crimson rose at one particular hedge. He has never visited this part of the jungle before. However, this rose seemed very enticing to him. He continued to play in the other bushes. But always returned to this rose at the end of the day. One day… well night or whatever, he decided to tell this rose how beautiful it was. The rose neither responded nor glowed with this compliment but instead grew torns so thick that the butterfly was too cautious to approach it anymore. The butterfly waited for the torns to wilt but to no avail. The butterfly felt sad as each passing day, he doesn’t feel welcome anymore. He tried to play around in the other bush but his heart was still for the rose. For all the misery this poor butterfly was feeling, he made up his mine to forget about the rose and move on with life. Everyday, he still played at the bush but paid no attention to the rose. He started to feel much better. He was becoming happier. Even when the rose bloomed each day, he managed to keep everything in check. He thought that the days were about to get even better when the Animals Grand Movement was opening its council for new members. The butterfly felt that he had earned a place.

But he was overlooked…

The rose got a spot. And he was rekindled with a rush of emotions that was just too much for him. He just couldn’t accept everything although he gave his best wishes to the rose. Everyday was agony for the butterfly. Was this a cruel twist of fate meant for the butterfly to learn to reconcile things? He didn’t think so. He tried to let the world pass by him while he avoided being part of the movement anymore. He managed to see the brighter side of things. The rose spoke to him that night. Somehow, the rose managed to pick the butterfly up on his antennae. The rose felt the disappointment of the butterfly. He said he was and quickly tried to brush the rose aside. He just wished that he was out of coverage for just that night. But the rose kept talking until the butterfly decided to intentionally provoke the rose. It ended the conversation abruptly. The butterfly felt an uncontrollable intense emotion. He plotted to just treat everyday the same and take no notice of the rose. But it was harder to avoid thoughts about the rose this time. It wasn’t as easy as before. Everything that he had before as a distraction was now no longer his but the rose’s. He felt the only thing else he cared for was taken away from him.

The very next day, the butterfly woke up early. His wings were no more as colourful. He no more fluttered, but glided with minimum effort. He was in a state of depression. No honey could make his day anymore. He knew he had to see the flower again, which was all too much for him. He decided to remain still at the bush hidden from the rose. He hoped the rose would not notice his presence. However he realised it was impossible. By being too still, he somehow drew attention to himself. Even the rose noticed and reached him telepathically again. The butterfly wished he had snipped his antennaes off or rather not realised the tingling. The butterfly just said that he was feeling off colour in hope that no more questions were asked. He was wrong. But he acted it out and couldn’t wish more for the day to end any sooner.

During lunch, he realised he may have to be with the rose again. So, he decided to get something on the go and went to the circle to play with the other butterflies. He felt like it was home, and his colours started to reappear. He didn’t want to leave. But he knew he had to sooner or later. He delayed as much as he could. Back in the bush, the other resting spots were gone, save for one just beside the rose. He cursed his luck but he didn’t have a choice. He didn’t want to raise any suspicions from the bush community. The bush community doesn’t know about the whole story. So the butterfly wanted to keep it that way. While perching quietly, so many things played out in the butterfly’s mind. He was on the verge of a breakdown. The way the rose tried to act friendly only added fuel to flame. Also the new lion approached him about the next event. He was unaware he was still involved. But everything about the movement no longer mean anything to him. He felt he was overlooked and that he wouldn’t want to be a part of it anymore. He knew he had to keep everything intact. There was no way he was going to unfold his wings. His colours grew darker at each passing moment. He wondered if his vision were to grow dark as well. His eyes slowly teared up as he tried to fight the internal conflict valiantly. He was on his own. He couldn’t turn to anyone no more. He felt a sense of loneliness.

Pictures and thoughts flashed through his mind. He thought of why he was feeling this madness. He thought of how he tried to drown his misery before. He thought of how he tried to bury away the pain. He thought of the perfect picture of how he had an envisage life in the jungle would be. Then, he realised nothing was ever achieved. He still felt miserable. He still feel the pain. He still had feelings for the rose.

He still had feelings for the rose.

But that was something he realised he couldn’t express. He was out of options. Fortunately time was on his side. He left the bush, to dance with the other butterflies. The rose had forbade him to, but once again he defied the rose. He realised the only way he can live ‘happily’ was by living in a world of lies. He knew that if the rose loathed him once more, he can have a happily ever after life. He realised he can and should no longer let the rose know how he really feels for it. The butterfly is ready to begin life without the rose once again.