follow

Sometimes I wonder where I have strayed upon to. I wonder across the green pastures in search of the food my shepherd has to offer; and…

and I greedily take them all for my own.

I feel I need to know my place…

I carry some dirt, mud, on my body. My imperfect white coat smeared, tainted. Frisbee was never meant to be a clean sport, yes. Our coat can be cleaned.

The disc thrower floats the frisbee in search of me once more. My eyes transfixed on the UFO-like saucer. The wind threatens to throw it off course. I snatch it midair…

The call, a revelation, to signal where I shall be led. I shall not let the wind mislead me.

In the endzone, I hover about, waiting to be found, knowing that I shall.

buried in

God be thank’d, the meanest of his creatures
Boasts two soul-sides, one to face the world with,
One to show a woman when he loves her.
This I say of me, but think of you, Love!
This to you—yourself my moon of poets!
Ah, but that ’s the world’s side—there ’s the wonder—
Thus they see you, praise you, think they know you.
There in turn I stand with them and praise you,
Out of my own self, I dare to phrase it.
But the best is when I glide from out them,
Cross a step or two of dubious twilight,
Come out on the other side, the novel
Silent silver lights and darks undream’d of,
Where I hush and bless myself with silence. One Word More (Robert Browning)

*winks

Often, the raw truth of one's perspective and perception remains unspoken, unmentioned, undiluted, and untold. Symbolically it's a kin to a cake recipe, a new way of living, and the lost.

The containment and lockdown of information is what makes the "seek" far more tempting. Speculations and conspiracies only fuel the keeper with more satisfaction. However, can you trust anyone with the unsaid?

Concrete measures offers me the impregnable quarter I need to spill out my thoughts.. But the most bullet-proof alternative would be to remain tight-lipped myself. Those are my secrets...

in the light of dawn

the calling

"Do you want me to help you to cut them? I would be happy to."
"No, it's fine. I can handle it. The worse is over; cutting the onions is not as painful as peeling its skin..."

Have we all been there before? The onion, represents life: you peel off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.. sharing the tears, the solemn moments... But most of the time, you silently suffer on your own. It stings, it may stink.. but it gets better. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves of it. That hurting; it's fleeting, a passing dark cloud over what would be a majestic scenery. No, reality never quite match up to dreams. You may plan the "perfect getaway"... but nothing ever goes as planned. They are just two parallel, but contradicting paths of a timeline.

If you think about it, whatever dreams we conjure; it never satisfies. You envision yourself being the object of admiration of someone you fancy. Does it ever materialise? I think it doesn't. But even if it does, is it always enough? If we have everything; glory, power, money, brains... etc.. can our thirst honestly be quenched? Amidst my observation of the Boxing Day Madness, I see on the tele, we, humans, always want so much more. Different classes of people, people with different spending power, will always want something that is out of reach for them... Somehow we still feel empty, regardless of how fortunate we already are. It is a bit rather blase that some people recognise year end sales at the end of December rather than Christmas. I think it's hard to accept that there are certain gaps that cannot be filled... that these aches cannot be mended with anything that can be purchased. Satisfaction cannot be guaranteed, whether it's with an abundance of money, brains, or power.

Only by knowing The Creator, and after finding His favour, that you may escape this void. We are all design this way, to trod through adversaries and crisis, knowing Someone is watching over us, making sure we are alright. The life-giving water that He gives is enough to satisfy us for a lifetime. We would never need to feel parched anymore.

It's difficult to have to accept that there is only a hero for all mankind. After all, what can One Man do? But what if He is no man, but God. Would it make it any easier to believe? Everything you see is not made in China, it's made by God. For through the single random.. or not... act of kindness, the whole world was spared from condemnation but only if we accept and believe in Him. It isn't easy I am sure. We, humans, prefer that fate is in our hands. If something is out of our control, we naturally would be fearful, and that's not acceptable. Everything has to be within reach. "I want to be the want pulling the strings, not someone else to do for me!"

Not even if The Creator of the universe is on the other end of the string? Do we not trust in Him?
People nowadays, make no reference to God... they lead their life as they wish. They sit in the leather reclining "boss" chair, and direct commands. They feel perfected content, without a superior in their life. And most people feel that they are good enough, do charity, volunteer, and that they don't need anyone... even a God to judge them. Do we believe, if there's a heaven, that we would go there one day? Can all the good that we do - charities, lifestyle, volunteering we do in our lifetime earn us enough merit to go to heaven? Is it enough to offset the bad things we have ever done?

Imagine you are at a coffee shop, you notice that the barista accidentally sneezed into your coffee, and present you the cup.

"Excuse me, could you give me a new cup of coffee, that's just gross."
"Sorry about that, I would give you extra cream and sugar to offset the taste of the sneeze."

No matter how much good deeds you think you have done. It still wouldn't make you perfect any more if you have just a tiny bit of misdoing. It's not going to change the fact that you are now "gross".

So imagine if everything was laid out... including all our guilts and embarrassments, would you be ashamed? Can we all say that we have not committed any sins? Have you lied before? Have you steal anything before? Have you used God's name as a cuss before? Have you looked at a man/woman and have any form of lust? If yes to all, you are liar, thief, blasphemous, and a fornicator/adulterer. That's already breaking 4 out of the 10 commandments. If you stand before the judgement of God, do you think you deserve to pass the pearly gates? In any case, Someone has already vouch for you. You have already been saved even before you are born; that when Christ stretched His arms to show you how much He loves you, and died on the cross for your sins, it is like your debts have been cleared; it's like you have been given a "get out of jail free card"... it's like you are assured a place in His Kingdom, and be granted everlasting life.

You only need to trust in Him, and repent and turn away from your wrongdoings. And that if you keep your eyes focus on Him, everything will fall right into place...

And just to share something I have found over the internet :)

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes." The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, " I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things-your God, family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions-things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car. The sand is everything else-the small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal." Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

The Queen's Christmas Speech:

So, I hope you vacate that leather chair you may be sitting on, and let the Boss, our Boss perch on it instead. May you all have a blessed Christmas.. tis the day to remember the birth of our Saviour so that no more may die :)

the call of the bells

So Christmas is cominggg! My playlist is now looping on Christmas songs by default.. it reminds me of the caroling I went a few weeks back.. :)

But I was recently troubled. As I lie defeated from the possibilities of what life has handed me, I listen to the gentle hum of the wind. Somewhere out there, is my purpose, something that would make sense of everything. I wonder how many more anecdotes my life would accumulate. I wonder if I could ever recount them all.

If nothing should go as planned, would you be concerned? Sometimes I think I may have expected things to go as I wish a little bit too much. But I guess it's part and parcel of life, the excitement, the UNexpectedness. Perhaps we could dodge the lemons thrown at us, by just being random, take the route we decided only moments ago, avoid the adjustment bureau.

I think we are all born with desires that we seek to fulfill. When we are hungry, we buy/cook some food. When we want to relax, we seek the comfort of doing absolutely nothing with no regrets. When we want to do succeed, we work hard for it. When we want to be happy, we seek for what will, and we pursue it...

We are not BORN with desires, unless those desires exist. But what happens when we are UNBORN? What happen when we are no longer around? We desire to always be loved, have comfort, and security. Would it not satisfy our desire to know that there is life after life, and that we are meant for somewhere better? I hope when His Kingdom calls for you, your innate desire alarm bells will ring for Him..

Because we are all Children of God by default.

walking

I was playing a game recently (merely to de-stress), when it got me thinking.. life is really like a race.. like the Amazing Race.

But unlike the reality TV counterpart, we run this race alone, or rather, we begin with the support and cheers from the crowd, like how we got from our loving parents. And even so, do we not disagree to say that, for most points in our lives, we make our own informed choices at the crossroads, at the junctions, at the detours?

Along the routes/paths that is set out for us, we meet with many wonders, transgressions, love ones, obstacles, good fortune, misleading information (foreign taxi drivers), fast forwards, or sabotages. Each willing us on, or holding us back. Are we capable, strong enough, to carry on? Or does the scratch/bruise from the last fall make us weak, succumbing to a time penalty, of letting life just pass-by wastefully?

The scab on my knee has nearly healed... but.. I am not sure I want to remove it yet..

In our own race, one thing I know, even though each of us got our own route, a different means of getting there, and at different times; we may still end up at there, at the same place. But even so, we are now at different points of the race..

In our own race, one thing I know; at times when that happens, I find that there is nothing good in goodbyes. You may be a tad too late, you may be a tad too early, and after some time... I realised some people are only meant to stay in my heart.. not in my life.. not in this race.

One thing I know, I find all I need is in Your unending love.

If your can't fly, then run,
If you can't run, then walk,
If you can't walk, then crawl,
But whatever we do,
We have to keep MOVING FORWARD.

less than three

If waking up is an option, if being in a dream is all where you want to be, you might be bordering on insanity; or you may be be in love. If every breath you pour out, is only for that special someone, if you could fall for that person every day over and over again, you might have hypotension (low blood pressure); or you may be in love. If you have palpitations when you see her, and if it hurts to silently keep the secret to yourself, you might be having a cardiac arrest; or you may be in love.

How do you love the one who means the most to you? The one who is guilty of making you sleepless every day; the one whose attention you crave the most, the one whom you feel torn without.

There are apparently 5 principle ways of doing so; by sweet charming words, spending time with each other, giving gifts (particularly remembering important dates), simple touch/strokes/or holding hands, and one which I firmly believe; practising little meaningful acts. It trumps them all.

But the biggest emotional experience, is the love of our Father. It's something which we would never know, unless we experience it. It's something which is there, but sometimes we don't know it. We all just need to find it on our own. But you can be sure, He's there for you.

One thing which probably makes some friends feel uncomfortable is when I say I want to pray for them. It's not like a curse, or something bad, or to show how self-righteous/religious I am; rather I pray so that He comes to your life, reveal Himself to you, and draw yourself to Him. At the end of the day, it's not that I want to be proven right, it is because, believe it or not, it is the best thing that could ever happen to you. So a prayer for you, the 6th way we could do for our love ones, is a supreme act of love, the best we can ask, and hope for you. <3

blue october

What is in someone who is egoistic? Is it something which has a life span? Is it untouchable? Can fire and flame diminish it?

I have always considered myself as one. I was born and bred in a school which cultivates our massive ego. But after stepping out of the school, it has not serve me like it had used to anymore... well maybe I have put an end to that part of me... suffocated and gone. Right now, it's nothing more than what I consider a "confidence projectile". It has made myself into a known stranger. Someone whom I am sure I know very well, but different in a way, like the smell of your pillow after a two week holiday.

Perhaps, it's no more me and the juniors, anymore. Perhaps, I have grown so much, and now it's more like me and the world. Perhaps, standing amongst the others made me feel a little smaller. Perhaps, I am just a little older and wiser.

I have endured so much of what life has thrown at me. Hardships have corroded and thin my ego. Hardships have made me, shaped me, into a great man.

God doesn't give you the person you want, he gives you the person you need; to help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you, and to make you the person you were meant to be...

parable of the emperor's new clothes

There once lived an emperor who cared about his outer appearance more than anything else. One day he was visited by the "two best tailors in the world" who promised him the finest piece of fabric the land has ever seen. Enticed by this promise, the emperor was blinded into believing them, and hired them immediately.



Each day the emperor observed the tailors' progress. At first he was slightly skeptical, as nothing could be seen at all. The tailors assured the emperor that the suit was made up of the most sought-after fabric, and that it can only be seen by the the enlightened and by the wise. Not wanting to look like a fool, the emperor agreed that the suit was becoming to take shape, and was marvelous in fact.

When the suit was complete, the tailors delicately put it on for the emperor to wear. Looking at the mirror, the emperor couldn't hide his delight, at his exquisite stunning new clothes. He paid the tailors handsomely, and they left. The emperor then decided to parade his latest wardrobe collection to his subjects.

As he marched along with his procession, "oohs and ahhs" could have been heard from the crowd. Not until a child cried "he's not wearing anything!", that the people realised the truth.


I think most of us are alike to the emperor in so many ways..

vain..
narcissistic..
egoistical..
neurotic..

we can't hide them, even behind our finest branded new clothes..

and above all, we may feel we know everything. However, we ought not to believe so; because sometimes, someone, even a child, may know something more than you.

speak for change

First they came for the communists,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a communist.

Then they came for the trade unionists,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a trade unionist.

Then they came for the Jews,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a Jew.

Then they came for me
and there was no one left to speak out for me.

- Martin Niemöller -

ruin

Dear God,

Please take my hand, and guide me now, because I have no idea what to do.

Ruin my life the plans I have made, ruin desires for my selfish gains.

poops

Everything is so hazy, fuzzy. It feels like a drill being thrust up my right ears and the adjacent temple to it. In my head I was like a broken radio, like a wrecked stereo.

Like when you have your index finger into your ears; it was like that. I was speaking too soft, and I had no idea about it. When I was singing, I suddenly realised, my pitching was all over the place.

Funnily enough I was not too concern about my hearing.. or by the fact that if I were a bat, I would totally be flying into trees, and hunting insects would be a problem for me.

I lost my head.

I keep telling myself everyone poops. It may be painful at first, it may deliver relief... but it sure is messy.

not just about the mangos...

Campus was looking a whole lot like home today. The gorgeous weather brought warmth everywhere while the indian summer sunlight carved through every nook and cranny of the campus, leaving a certain glint, and sparkle, to be reckon with. It's my fourth and final year from yesterday onwards. Compared with last year, we are somewhat more comfortable, chilled, and familiar with our surroundings, the people, and the culture. From when the juniors came I watched them learn to crawl, urged on by many supportive "parents", till they learned to take baby steps. They stumbled a few times along the way, with unfamiliar faux pax, but with exceptional curiosity and yearnings. It reminded a lot of ourselves.

It's nice to just sit back and just watch how they handle and enjoy their third year. It would be interesting whether they will end up like us.

push

Perhaps my most debilitating handicap would be to allow myself to be fooled into thinking the very best things in life would never happen to me. Such certainty and sureness may be underlined by my paradoxical intuitive nature. There are times when I am at a bowling alley, only to hope that I can proof myself that I wouldn't get a strike just because I know I can. I sometimes wish I could negate these negative thoughts, but then again, I hope not to be left like a chicken being reared as a 'pet'. False hope is perhaps worse than being given the bad news early on. I rather a quick pull of the band-aid. However the case, if only I could ensure both of them could cohabit, and that I could clearly see them as a balance.

My admiration for people who never seemed to be under pressure, never ceased. They always seem to know what to do at times of crisis and chaos. Who would be able to see the silver lining of a wet beach day?

I guess we are all inclined to desperately push ourselves to please others, to be respected in the eyes of our society. But perhaps, it is best that we dutifully try to make our ownself happy for a change. With significantly less effort than I normally should I have, I forgo pampering me. Sometimes I don't remember or don't know what I want...

...till I have it in front of me...

...or till it's gone...


Even if something seems so improbable; so far beyond your reach, do PUSH..

Pray Until Something Happens.

hope

I hope that the days come easy and the moments pass slow,
And each road leads you where you want to go,





And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.

let these remain..

I still have vivid memories of that September day 10 years ago. When news of two planes crashed into the world trade center, it abruptly interrupted other programs on the news channels. It interrupted whatever the rest of us were doing. Around the world, people stuck in traffic tuned into their radios, office workers perhaps went online to get the latest scoops and news, even classes in schools might have been affected with absentees.

The world was largely at a standstill.

There was something so unreal about the captured images and videos by amateur cameramen. People were in a public panic pandemonium. They were running about, screaming, crying, disorientated, lost, with the look of disbelief in their eyes. No one knew what was going on.

Fire, and smog enveloped the city skyline, and dust shrouds visibility. Survivors covered in dirt and blood walked the streets in down town, aimlessly, confused as most of us were. I blinked blankly as the newscaster was presenting the report. It just seemed so unreal to me, like a nightmare. I was only there 5 years earlier for a holiday.

"What can we do?"

This is the questions most asked. People asked the rescue team. People asked the paramedics. People asked the police. People asked the politicians. People asked themselves.

"What can we do?"

As I have quoted in my previous post, we are all connected. At times, in times of need, when the world just needed help standing, when all people needed was hope, when we all needed something to believe in. We are all one. We are all united. We are all bound together.

People just want to help.

It's our nature, to step up and be counted. For that day, man's strength and faith were tested. For that day, when doubts were cast upon people's love for humanity, someone stood up to challenge and prove that we are not alone, that a hero can rise from the darkest of days.

That someone is each and every one of us.

For when the towers collapsed, amidst the rubble and ashes, two phoenix rose, and with them, the power of faith, hope and love.

out from sunshine

Something has struck me the other day, and I was thinking. When would the world ever be peaceful? What are the basis of humans' obsession for violence, till news channels are always over-flooded? The anger, the anguish, the fear... all too much to bear. Do we not have moral compasses when we do what we do? Are we all born to be self-righteous, selfish, and self-reliant?

Some cynics claim that there's no heaven on earth, and no utopia can exist with man...

There's a famous experiment conducted to test how altruistic a person could be, given some money a subject is presented to them. Alright, supposed you are given an orange. If you have a friend who didn't know you were given the orange, how many of the 10 slices (just an arbitrary value) would you have given, if any at all?

Most people would say they would give about 3-4 slices.

Okays. But say you are given an opportunity to charge your friend, say 1 slice of an orange. How many would you give, if any at all? Or would you rip your friend off?

Most people would say they would give about 1-2 slices.

In the third situation, if you are given an orange, and if you knew your friend also has an orange, how many slices would you give?

I guess it's none right? Or you might even take a slice or two from your friend. Suddenly, you are no more as generous.

C'est la vie. It's all about emotions and empathy.

I have been following lots of modern history of late. The struggles men had over one another, the greed and rise in power, usurpation, the murder of innocent lives; all are the cause of man's own downfall... our own downfall.

These were mankind at the very lowest depths, now only a reminder, and a warning to the rest of us. Were there not empathy then? Only the selfish kind of course. Apparently empathy is probably not extended to "aliens" or people who has no blood ties or relation to the perpetrators.

70 years later, and 10 years after black Tuesday on that September morning, the world still seemed in peril, a scary place to be in.

But there's always the other side of the card. Something good did came out of every disaster.. a silver lining. I believe that all man is good, that even the most diabolical one has a conscience, telling them what is right, and wrong. It may just be their judgement which may be misconstrued.

When the earthquake and nuclear disaster hit the shores of Japan, when the Russian hockey team was killed in a plane crash, when Lybia was liberating themselves from tyranny of their leader, those things got the world to empathise them. When people see those things happening, they feel the hurt those people are going through.

The world would then pour in their funds and aids, or any other forms of moral supports, and kind sympathies. People willingly feel the hurt when they see others in vulnerable situations, or going through a struggle. That's why we always have a strong feeling to root for the underdogs. That's why we can show we care for people who sometimes have doubts over themselves.

Also, why shouldn't empathy be extended to animals? They are our sub-bloodline. I feel warm deep down when I see videos of lions playfully wrestle with owners they have not seen in years. I feel touched when I see excited pets greeting soldiers who have come home from serving in the battlefields. I feel happy seeing chimpanzees who have been locked up all their lives, experience their first ever sunshine.

Technology has improved the way how we socialise with one another. As a result of Facebook, Twitter, etc, there are no more "aliens" now among us. We are all one. The six degrees of separation is even more true than ever. The world is getting smaller. As we all know, we came from the same two people. Maybe that's why we can and I believe if we try, experience brotherhood and sisterhood with one another. He never wanted us to feel different, as we are all created just the same.

May God's Love Be With You Always <3

finding

So, it is like this. It's summer my holidays, and I haven't got much to do. Sometimes I wouldn't mind, as I think I would recharge my batteries that way. I could read my novels and watch movies I always wanted to.

But on other days, I feel that I am too idle. And every time I said "I'm bored", I feel a unicorn dies, or well.. I feel completely useless.. and then remain so.

I often rebuked myself for "letting a unicorn die". Why shan't I defend the poor unicorn? It's the fighting spirit that I need to seek at times like this. It's the character-building which I know is good for me.

But why is it so hard to do those things? Maybe it's easier to stay in bed an extra 15 minutes than to get up as soon as the alarm rings. Maybe it's easier to forgo a jog just because the sky looks overcast. Maybe it's easier to give an excuse than to instigate an initiative. *Easy?* I think I just abhorred that word.

I think I have slacked enough. I shall do something about this. What I may need is to ignite the motivational fuse at the prefrontal cortex of my brain.

I just need to remind myself that nothing in this world is ever easy; similar to nothing is ever free. There's always a catch. Every time we do something easy, we are unknowingly shackled at our legs with balls and chains. Try swimming or running in that situation. Either you sink, or you fall; there won't be any glory.

So how would you lift yourself out from such a mess? Well, you could struggle back to survive, or stand up and carry that burden with you all the way without any fuss about it. Above all, I think you need to believe. Nothing is impossible. We are all humans, we are not perfect, everyone has fallen short before. Don't feel inferior. We just need to pick ourselves up, and fix our eyes upon the goal that we are aiming for. Sometimes we all just need a good reminder that easy stuffs may be attractive, but a good hard work gives satisfaction.

People with religion should be happy, because they can always turn to a higher power and pray for guidance or help. Sometimes when I am troubled, and when I am weary, and when I feel lost, I find my purpose again when I speak to God. It may be easy for skeptics to scoff this idea. But if you would try to believe, you would experience what I feel or what I see, in this relationship with Him.

humpty-dumpty

People always say we shouldn't moan of history, but rather embrace it..

No point feeling sorry for yourself...


I was just done with my grocery; so I unpacked and arranged them nicely into the fridge. As I was still unpacking, I heard something dropped..

My kitchen floor immediately became flooded with the very contents of the bottle. I wonder how this could have happened! It was as if the bottle of milk stepped out of the fridge's door shelf, and like humpty-dumpty, fell a great fall onto my kitchen floor...

I wished I could have seen it happened. The bottle of milk must have not known Newton and the rules of gravity. No matter how badly of a position I probably placed the bottle onto the shelf, gravity would and should have kept it in an upright position.

I checked the shelf. No secret trap door which I should know about.

I opened the cap of the bottle. The seal was still intact. It's so sad.. all that wasted dairy! I guess this means no cereal this week.

Some crazy guy once said we shouldn't cry over spilled milk. That guy didn't need to do the cleaning-up on his own.. :(